Another post for Week 1 Excavation Questions

As Seka mentioned in her post….”it is time to dig”. I just finished spending an hour on this and lost my entire post when I went to review it. This is great practice in breathing and staying in the moment…

Question 1: How much am I taking responsibility to learn and grow from the experiences, both easy and difficult, that I have in my life?
I am usually good at taking on responsibility for not only everything I do but also everything in general – so my practice for this week is mainly to step back, observe, breathe, and not feel as if I have to take on EVERYTHING. Realizing that I can both be greatly involved in life and allow life to flow is very freeing and allows for energy to be preserved as needed.

Question 2: What are my beliefs about my body?
I have really been working with this question for a long time. In the past, I have been really hard on myself. Growing up I was in an environment where the body was evaluated daily and the way one perceived me often determined my self esteem for the day, week, month, etc. While today, I roll back and forth between hard and soft, I am working towards really appreciating my body. When I get out of the mind chatter and into a place of gratitude, thinking about all the ways my body serves me (my hands heal in massage and paramedic work, my legs provide power and strength for long distance runs and walks, my heart opens to the prospect of love and vulnerability even when I fall, my eyes take in the luxury of a full moon, and other beautiful sights, etc) then I can find some peace. The challenge is staying out of the mind chatter. It is often a “one step forward two steps back” dance but eventually the steps will be one forward and one back…and eventually, one forward and a half back…..or even none back….

Question 3: When in my life am I fully present?
I notice that I am truly really HERE, really present when I am running and in my body instead of my head – especially running at Wekiva State park, where I am surrounded by nature. I fall into noticing everything around me – especially the deer and other animals (wild turkeys, snakes, frogs, ladybugs, bees, funky bugs, etc) I am peaceful and relaxed, and my senses are more alive. I notice that I also find presence when I am working on a client (massage) and most of the time I teach a cycling or yoga class. Before I step into these arenas, I always take a moment to thank God for my skills and abilities. When I do this, I never feel tired or overwhelmed in my work and I remain fully focused throughout the process. When I do not take a moment to “connect”, I sometimes feel scattered and notice my mind wandering.

Question 4: Where in my life am I hiding?
I think where I most hide is in covering myself with a giant veil of “I am STRONG” and “I don’t need anyone’s help”. I have spent so long wanting to please everyone, that it is easy to forget what I preach: “together we have the ability to be more than either one of us alone”. UNITY – Responsibility is not too much of an issue for me but asking for help and even more importantly, feeling worthy of receiving help have been issues for me. I am seeing this and ready to move beyond.

Question 5: Where am I flirting with disaster?
At first, this seems tough to answer but then I peel only one layer back and see….the answers staring right back at me. Again, in wanting approval from others, especially men, in my past, I have allowed myself to expend energy in relationships (both personal and work) that do not serve me, and even more, that are vampire-like in that they disempower me and take my energy. I have seen this recently and was able to step out of this mode. The better option is not to be in this space but while I am, I will continue to check in and notice if I am in a place that is serving me or taking from me, so that I can change this pattern. For good.