Friday, September 24, 2010
Hi.
Well, shucks... It's been a while. How is it? I have a new blog now! http://catinstitute.blogspot.com/ It's cool!
Sunday, July 25, 2010
Week 5 Ending, Excavation Questions.....
1) How much do I believe in myself, and how does this play out in my everday life?
Before I opened my book tonight to look at this week's questions, I was just acknowledging how far I have "come" in the past few years in regards to this. In ways that are not important to others, but ways that are important to me, I am seeing a huge shift in my life towards a place where I am really beginning to believe in myself and follow the ideas that come and decisions I make. I am learning to accept ALL of me as a blessing and not as something wrong because I may think a little differently or act in my life differently than those who surround me.
This recent acceptance and "celebration" in a sense has given me a new found love for diversity of choice, and is allowing me to really seek out what I want my life to look like (even if that vision changes every so often).
1a) Do I trust my intuition? If so or not, what results does this produce?
Coming from question 1, yes....more and more I am trusting my intuition. For example, I have been in relationships where things just did not feel right but I was not sure so I stuck it out, working against the natural flow and struggling so much, creating unnecessary sadness for myself. Now, when I began to get a "gut" feeling, I may sit with it a little, but I really allow that feeling to be explored and work towards understanding the true nature of my intuition. My gut has never steered me to a bad destination yet!
2) When, where, and with whom do I feel the most grounded? With my friends? When I am by myself?
This question has multiple answers. Sometimes, I find complete peace and relaxation by myself and then once in a while, I become anxious when in my own company. It all depends on me - if I am centered, or at least stopping to breathe and be in the present moment, I am grounded wherever I am. With that said, sometimes I do love the company of myself, other times, I enjoy being surrounded by a single friend or family member, and then there are those moments where I want to be in a room full of people.
3) How mindful am I of even the smallest details of my days? Am I present enough to notice all the actions I take?
Being mindful in my daily life and work creates a really nice work experience, in comparison to not being mindful. I do spend time nurturing this quality in my life because without it, I create mindless chatter that is not supportive to me or effective in my life. When I take the time to be mindful of all (or nearly all) of my actions each day, I feel like each day is meaningful and I am not wasting time or living robotically. Mark brought up some really great thoughts recently about living a robotic life, versus living a life where we are truly engaged and alive. I want to be fully alive in my life. It is so true that when we miss those little moments, they add up to the sum total of our lives. Carpe diem! :)
3a) Am I truly "there" in the daily moments of my life?
often yes, but not always - as mentioned above....this is a work in progress.
Before I opened my book tonight to look at this week's questions, I was just acknowledging how far I have "come" in the past few years in regards to this. In ways that are not important to others, but ways that are important to me, I am seeing a huge shift in my life towards a place where I am really beginning to believe in myself and follow the ideas that come and decisions I make. I am learning to accept ALL of me as a blessing and not as something wrong because I may think a little differently or act in my life differently than those who surround me.
This recent acceptance and "celebration" in a sense has given me a new found love for diversity of choice, and is allowing me to really seek out what I want my life to look like (even if that vision changes every so often).
1a) Do I trust my intuition? If so or not, what results does this produce?
Coming from question 1, yes....more and more I am trusting my intuition. For example, I have been in relationships where things just did not feel right but I was not sure so I stuck it out, working against the natural flow and struggling so much, creating unnecessary sadness for myself. Now, when I began to get a "gut" feeling, I may sit with it a little, but I really allow that feeling to be explored and work towards understanding the true nature of my intuition. My gut has never steered me to a bad destination yet!
2) When, where, and with whom do I feel the most grounded? With my friends? When I am by myself?
This question has multiple answers. Sometimes, I find complete peace and relaxation by myself and then once in a while, I become anxious when in my own company. It all depends on me - if I am centered, or at least stopping to breathe and be in the present moment, I am grounded wherever I am. With that said, sometimes I do love the company of myself, other times, I enjoy being surrounded by a single friend or family member, and then there are those moments where I want to be in a room full of people.
3) How mindful am I of even the smallest details of my days? Am I present enough to notice all the actions I take?
Being mindful in my daily life and work creates a really nice work experience, in comparison to not being mindful. I do spend time nurturing this quality in my life because without it, I create mindless chatter that is not supportive to me or effective in my life. When I take the time to be mindful of all (or nearly all) of my actions each day, I feel like each day is meaningful and I am not wasting time or living robotically. Mark brought up some really great thoughts recently about living a robotic life, versus living a life where we are truly engaged and alive. I want to be fully alive in my life. It is so true that when we miss those little moments, they add up to the sum total of our lives. Carpe diem! :)
3a) Am I truly "there" in the daily moments of my life?
often yes, but not always - as mentioned above....this is a work in progress.
Monday, July 19, 2010
End of Week 4, excavation questions....
Week 4 Excavation Questions
1) What excess baggage am I carrying around with me?
Food issues and negative self talk. Not big ones but little ones that hold me back from being my healthiest in body and mind, and these little things get in the way, and hold me back. I begin to believe that I am "stuck" in these old patterns and forget that I can choose to create new habits and patterns at any time.
What thoughts, feelings, worries, or past situations am I clinging to that drain me?
THOUGHTS (words): saying seemingly "mindless" things like, "I have a big butt", or "I am fat"
If I say these things over and over, I will believe them - and THEY DRAIN ME
Also - saying that I don't know if I will ever find a true love (I have found it in some aspects of my life but not in others). By saying this over and over, I am building this into my hard wiring
PAST SITUATIONS: periodially, I find myself remembering past situations in which I have let someone down and I fall back into the emotion of it
2) What do I need most to let go of?
OLD PATTERNS, Rigid behaviors (working on this and moving forward slowly), negative statements about myself, the idea that I am stuck with disordered eating forever
What are the things that I would be relieved to finally release?
SEE ABOVE :)
Anger toward someone in my life? Stress about money? Fears that arose from a past negative experience?
Okay with these items for the most part.
3) Do I really give myself enough time to relax and restore myself? How can I carve out more time for this?
No. I want to say I do but the reality is I don't. I don't need a lot of time for myself but I pack my schedule alot so a little more down time would be nice.
I am working on this by changing my schedule to carve out a little time every day but more importantly, working toward a slightly more uniform schedule. My haphazard schedule is nice on some fronts but on others, not so much. It sets me up to be available for work for very long hours everyday. In the future, will condense work hours more.
Also, I am working to make each moment really sacred, to be totally "present" for each moment, whether working or off, and it is making a huge difference in how I feel on a regular basis throughout the day.
1) What excess baggage am I carrying around with me?
Food issues and negative self talk. Not big ones but little ones that hold me back from being my healthiest in body and mind, and these little things get in the way, and hold me back. I begin to believe that I am "stuck" in these old patterns and forget that I can choose to create new habits and patterns at any time.
What thoughts, feelings, worries, or past situations am I clinging to that drain me?
THOUGHTS (words): saying seemingly "mindless" things like, "I have a big butt", or "I am fat"
If I say these things over and over, I will believe them - and THEY DRAIN ME
Also - saying that I don't know if I will ever find a true love (I have found it in some aspects of my life but not in others). By saying this over and over, I am building this into my hard wiring
PAST SITUATIONS: periodially, I find myself remembering past situations in which I have let someone down and I fall back into the emotion of it
2) What do I need most to let go of?
OLD PATTERNS, Rigid behaviors (working on this and moving forward slowly), negative statements about myself, the idea that I am stuck with disordered eating forever
What are the things that I would be relieved to finally release?
SEE ABOVE :)
Anger toward someone in my life? Stress about money? Fears that arose from a past negative experience?
Okay with these items for the most part.
3) Do I really give myself enough time to relax and restore myself? How can I carve out more time for this?
No. I want to say I do but the reality is I don't. I don't need a lot of time for myself but I pack my schedule alot so a little more down time would be nice.
I am working on this by changing my schedule to carve out a little time every day but more importantly, working toward a slightly more uniform schedule. My haphazard schedule is nice on some fronts but on others, not so much. It sets me up to be available for work for very long hours everyday. In the future, will condense work hours more.
Also, I am working to make each moment really sacred, to be totally "present" for each moment, whether working or off, and it is making a huge difference in how I feel on a regular basis throughout the day.
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Have Some Fruit :)
Yesterday, I woke up super early to get on a flight back to Jacksonville. I got all my stuff together and hopped in a cab. All I had was books, my suitcase and some fruit.
So, I get to customs and say I have fruit- what kind of fruit? Mandarin oranges- peeled mandarin oranges. They sent me into a little room- I thought, SHIT, I'm in trouble! Turns out that since my mandarin organges were already peeled- it was not a problem. PHEW. The PEELS would have created a problem.
I get to my gate and take out my 40 days book and realize- WEEK 4- fruit fast or feast- whatever you'd like to call it. Funny how all I had was fruit- mandarins, blueberries, peaches and a plum (altho I didn't tell customs I had all of that!!) but I had been to a beautiful farmers market over the weekend in Vancouver and I could not just leave the fruit behind. . .
SO, what a perfect place to be- stuck in an airport with only fruit to eat (or nasty fast food) so I said: "I will start my fast right now" and so I did.
Now 15 hours into day 2, I sit here eating my lunch- tomatoes, avocado and lemon juice (with a bit of hot sauce- this is the only way I can do it!). . . I cheat a little- but that is what gets me through the day- my hot sauce!
Today I have already eaten: bananas, half a watermelon, plums and an apple & lemon juice- I'm not much of a sweet fruit eater. . . but I try!
But I must say that I feel amazing. I feel light and also feel a light headache coming on. . . which is the reason I didn't make it to the meeting last night- I get headaches when I only eat fruit. But today I will keep my headache away by eating more fruit!
Anyone else cleansing?!
I do have to admit that yesterday I was daydreaming of a steak dinner. HA!
But yes, getting back to what I am feeling. . . I feel light and fresh- anyone else? and I was able to focus in meditation this morning- for the first time since saturday. . .
So, I get to customs and say I have fruit- what kind of fruit? Mandarin oranges- peeled mandarin oranges. They sent me into a little room- I thought, SHIT, I'm in trouble! Turns out that since my mandarin organges were already peeled- it was not a problem. PHEW. The PEELS would have created a problem.
I get to my gate and take out my 40 days book and realize- WEEK 4- fruit fast or feast- whatever you'd like to call it. Funny how all I had was fruit- mandarins, blueberries, peaches and a plum (altho I didn't tell customs I had all of that!!) but I had been to a beautiful farmers market over the weekend in Vancouver and I could not just leave the fruit behind. . .
SO, what a perfect place to be- stuck in an airport with only fruit to eat (or nasty fast food) so I said: "I will start my fast right now" and so I did.
Now 15 hours into day 2, I sit here eating my lunch- tomatoes, avocado and lemon juice (with a bit of hot sauce- this is the only way I can do it!). . . I cheat a little- but that is what gets me through the day- my hot sauce!
Today I have already eaten: bananas, half a watermelon, plums and an apple & lemon juice- I'm not much of a sweet fruit eater. . . but I try!
But I must say that I feel amazing. I feel light and also feel a light headache coming on. . . which is the reason I didn't make it to the meeting last night- I get headaches when I only eat fruit. But today I will keep my headache away by eating more fruit!
Anyone else cleansing?!
I do have to admit that yesterday I was daydreaming of a steak dinner. HA!
But yes, getting back to what I am feeling. . . I feel light and fresh- anyone else? and I was able to focus in meditation this morning- for the first time since saturday. . .
Monday, July 12, 2010
Week 4 - EQUANIMITY
1. How much do I believe the winds of grace support me, and how does this play out in my everyday life?
I wasn’t sure what “winds of grace” exactly met, so I googled it and found these great quotes below:
Louisa May Alcott: “I’m not afraid of storms, for I’m learning how to sail my ship”.
Jimmy Dean: “I find the great thing in this world is not so much where we stand, as in what direction we are moving. To reach the port of heaven, we must sail sometimes with the wind and sometimes against it, but we must sail, and not drift, nor lie at anchor”.
William Arthur Ward: “The pessimist complains about the wind; the optimist expects it to change; the realist adjusts the sails”.
?: “As we sail through life, don’t avoid rough waters, sail on because calm waters won’t make a skillful sailor”.
At the almost age of 60, I am finally realizing that life is up and down and that it is exactly as it’s supposed to be. I am trusting more, trying to control less, and understanding that I can learn from all my experiences, relationships, etc., and nothing is a mistake.
I wasn’t sure what “winds of grace” exactly met, so I googled it and found these great quotes below:
Louisa May Alcott: “I’m not afraid of storms, for I’m learning how to sail my ship”.
Jimmy Dean: “I find the great thing in this world is not so much where we stand, as in what direction we are moving. To reach the port of heaven, we must sail sometimes with the wind and sometimes against it, but we must sail, and not drift, nor lie at anchor”.
William Arthur Ward: “The pessimist complains about the wind; the optimist expects it to change; the realist adjusts the sails”.
?: “As we sail through life, don’t avoid rough waters, sail on because calm waters won’t make a skillful sailor”.
At the almost age of 60, I am finally realizing that life is up and down and that it is exactly as it’s supposed to be. I am trusting more, trying to control less, and understanding that I can learn from all my experiences, relationships, etc., and nothing is a mistake.
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Week 3, EQUANIMITY (seriously) - Excavation Questions
Oh my gosh! This is the 2nd time I have lost an entire post and I am kind of stressed about this.....I am going to take a GIANT breath and begin again.
Week 3 Excavation Questions
EQUANIMITY - calm temperament; evenness of temper, even under stress
This is a GREAT night for journaling about equanimity - I am totally stressed out. I already felt overwhelmed sitting down to do these questions, that I have so many things to accomplish tonight - and then just as I was reading over my posting, the whole thing was deleted. UGGGGG! So, here I am, attempting to create equanimity in my breath, my body, my home and this moment.
1) How much do I believe that the winds of grace support me, and how does this play out in my everyday life?
I do believe that there are forces much greater than me watching over me, and when I can take a moment to allow these "forces" to support me, things seem to flow smoothly. When I am resisting the flow, swimming upriver, running up the down escalator, things don't seem to go as smoothly. I notice then when my week is a little extra physically challenging, or financially challenging, somehow, things just seem to work themselves out.
2) In what areas of my life can I have less reactivity and more divine interpretation?
In this very moment, I cannot think too far ahead but I can say that in this moment, in THIS area of my life, I can surely allow Divine interpretation and just let go. I feel like I am never going to finish this blog, my evening meditation, my homework, beginning to work on my class project, prepping for the week, etc. etc. so, I just have to let go of it all for tonight. I can only do so much. I will get tired soon and then whatever has not been worked on, will be left until tomorrow or the next day. So, how about letting go now....How about I just step back and see what I finish up.
3) How can I enhance the quality of my life through a shift in attitude?
Ok...two thoughts come to mind, "Life is what you make it" and "When you change the way you look at things, the way things look begin to change"....Actually, a few more thoughts popped in my the gist of my thoughts is that I can choose to feel however I want. I can choose to act however I want. I can choose to be happy or sad, fulfilled or needy. So, I do need to change my attitude. Life is good. I can do whatever it is I choose to do.
3a) How would situations feel different if I practiced non reactivity, rather than launching into an automatic response?
If I can be less reactive and flow more, I will not feel physically or emotionally stressed - the "sympathetic" response kicking in from the nervous system will be able to take a break, and my hear rate will be lower, my breathing slower, and overall, I will feel better.
4) What things are most likely to trigger reactivity in me? feeling out of control, not completing tasks I set up for myself, not meeting the expectations I set or (what I think) others set.
5) What can I do in those moments of reactivity to respond better? "Those" moments are actually occurring right now. So, I am going to sit and take some deep breaths - keep breathing until my heart rate relaxes, and until I feel grounded once more. There is absolutely no use for me to stress out about things that are either beyond my control, or that I can change. If I can do this now, and then remember to step back when I want to react, and instead observe a situation or a feeling, I can remember that all things pass in time.
Week 3 Excavation Questions
EQUANIMITY - calm temperament; evenness of temper, even under stress
This is a GREAT night for journaling about equanimity - I am totally stressed out. I already felt overwhelmed sitting down to do these questions, that I have so many things to accomplish tonight - and then just as I was reading over my posting, the whole thing was deleted. UGGGGG! So, here I am, attempting to create equanimity in my breath, my body, my home and this moment.
1) How much do I believe that the winds of grace support me, and how does this play out in my everyday life?
I do believe that there are forces much greater than me watching over me, and when I can take a moment to allow these "forces" to support me, things seem to flow smoothly. When I am resisting the flow, swimming upriver, running up the down escalator, things don't seem to go as smoothly. I notice then when my week is a little extra physically challenging, or financially challenging, somehow, things just seem to work themselves out.
2) In what areas of my life can I have less reactivity and more divine interpretation?
In this very moment, I cannot think too far ahead but I can say that in this moment, in THIS area of my life, I can surely allow Divine interpretation and just let go. I feel like I am never going to finish this blog, my evening meditation, my homework, beginning to work on my class project, prepping for the week, etc. etc. so, I just have to let go of it all for tonight. I can only do so much. I will get tired soon and then whatever has not been worked on, will be left until tomorrow or the next day. So, how about letting go now....How about I just step back and see what I finish up.
3) How can I enhance the quality of my life through a shift in attitude?
Ok...two thoughts come to mind, "Life is what you make it" and "When you change the way you look at things, the way things look begin to change"....Actually, a few more thoughts popped in my the gist of my thoughts is that I can choose to feel however I want. I can choose to act however I want. I can choose to be happy or sad, fulfilled or needy. So, I do need to change my attitude. Life is good. I can do whatever it is I choose to do.
3a) How would situations feel different if I practiced non reactivity, rather than launching into an automatic response?
If I can be less reactive and flow more, I will not feel physically or emotionally stressed - the "sympathetic" response kicking in from the nervous system will be able to take a break, and my hear rate will be lower, my breathing slower, and overall, I will feel better.
4) What things are most likely to trigger reactivity in me? feeling out of control, not completing tasks I set up for myself, not meeting the expectations I set or (what I think) others set.
5) What can I do in those moments of reactivity to respond better? "Those" moments are actually occurring right now. So, I am going to sit and take some deep breaths - keep breathing until my heart rate relaxes, and until I feel grounded once more. There is absolutely no use for me to stress out about things that are either beyond my control, or that I can change. If I can do this now, and then remember to step back when I want to react, and instead observe a situation or a feeling, I can remember that all things pass in time.
Monday, July 5, 2010
Sunday, July 4, 2010
End of Week 2, Excavation Questions....
1) What is my most meaningful creation in my life?
So, as I sit down to answer these questions, I told myself….”Beth you have 30 minutes before you need to go to your next homework task.” So, looking at these questions, I am thinking that these are some really big questions and how on earth will I answer them in 3 hours, much less 30 minutes? I was thinking about the most recent MBody newsletter in which Mark discussed the idea of being too busy and how we make choices for things we do.
So, I come back to this great big question – what is my most meaningful creation in life?????
For this moment, what comes to me is the process of creating a loving environment for myself; the idea that I know I am walking a path in which I am learning to really cherish everything I encounter, every experience and every mood even – knowing that how I respond to my life today affects me today and also sets me up for the next step in life.
In my past, I did not always create a safe and loving environment for myself. I did not know how to cultivate self-love or self-honor. I did not always make decisions that honored my needs and well-being. As I do this now, more and more each day, I find that I am not only much happier, but I have so much more gratitude and so much more to share – to give to others I interact with – and THAT feels really good.
2) What is my most courageous act?
Facing myself. Still exploring this one. I don’t always enjoy seeing how I operate, especially if someone gets hurt in the process. But, I have learned to accept myself and also, notice when someone does something that bothers or angers me – often he or she is just a projection of myself. It gives me pause to notice. Learning to really dig in to me, as well as to accept others, right where they are, is so far, a pretty great journey. As I notice my tendencies, behaviors, thought processes, patterns, etc., I am able to just be, and not judge myself or others as much.
3) When do I feel most energized?
When I am doing something that really feeds my body and/or my soul – whether it is taking a walk, sitting with friends, running, doing yoga, writing, reading, watching a movie, or meditating – when I really focus on what I am doing, who I am with – where I am, I become comfortable and energetic. I love to do something active and then quietly stop and take a moment to really notice. While running the other day, I listened to my breathing pattern for a while and then begin to really go into my body, beginning with my toes and moving through my feet, up to my hands. It was a really cool experience because oftentimes, I run with my mind on my “to do” list or thinking about conversations, upcoming activities, responsibilities, etc.
Energy for me, comes from really keying in to my moment.
4) What forces drain my energy?
• Saying yes when I mean no.
• Gossip – sometimes I do engage in this and don’t even realize it – until I am sucked dry a
little later. I notice it especially when I say I won’t gossip – I do just that.
• Remaining around negative people for too long - I am really working to accept each and every
person I encounter, as he or she is, and allow that person to have the space to have whatever
experience he or she is having. But sometimes, my “fixit” character trait comes in and I get
frustrated because I cannot “fixit”. So, I guess for this, it’s better to move from a draining
environment (or person) if it begins to drain me.
• Placing expectations on others – sets up the opportunity for disappointment and makes me
upset. So, I am in continual growth and practice of “allowing” others to interact with me
without expectations – unless there is an agreement between us that we need to set some.
5) Who do I resent and how is that affecting me?
Hmmmm. Right now, the only thing coming up has to do with myself – when I feel threatened in any way, I resent that – this usually relates to someone “making me feel uncomfortable” in or with a situation. I don’t really think he or she is doing anything; rather I am pulling out my feelings based on something that is going on inside of me. I think a lot of this goes back to wanting approval from others (wanting to please everyone, wanting everyone to like me) so that I can feel good about myself.
The amazing thing is that I now, more often than not, I am seeing this as it happens, or shortly after the experience. I am uncomfortable with this but each time I am faced with such a situation, I am beginning to just sit with how I feel and know that shortly, those feelings will pass.
So, as I sit down to answer these questions, I told myself….”Beth you have 30 minutes before you need to go to your next homework task.” So, looking at these questions, I am thinking that these are some really big questions and how on earth will I answer them in 3 hours, much less 30 minutes? I was thinking about the most recent MBody newsletter in which Mark discussed the idea of being too busy and how we make choices for things we do.
So, I come back to this great big question – what is my most meaningful creation in life?????
For this moment, what comes to me is the process of creating a loving environment for myself; the idea that I know I am walking a path in which I am learning to really cherish everything I encounter, every experience and every mood even – knowing that how I respond to my life today affects me today and also sets me up for the next step in life.
In my past, I did not always create a safe and loving environment for myself. I did not know how to cultivate self-love or self-honor. I did not always make decisions that honored my needs and well-being. As I do this now, more and more each day, I find that I am not only much happier, but I have so much more gratitude and so much more to share – to give to others I interact with – and THAT feels really good.
2) What is my most courageous act?
Facing myself. Still exploring this one. I don’t always enjoy seeing how I operate, especially if someone gets hurt in the process. But, I have learned to accept myself and also, notice when someone does something that bothers or angers me – often he or she is just a projection of myself. It gives me pause to notice. Learning to really dig in to me, as well as to accept others, right where they are, is so far, a pretty great journey. As I notice my tendencies, behaviors, thought processes, patterns, etc., I am able to just be, and not judge myself or others as much.
3) When do I feel most energized?
When I am doing something that really feeds my body and/or my soul – whether it is taking a walk, sitting with friends, running, doing yoga, writing, reading, watching a movie, or meditating – when I really focus on what I am doing, who I am with – where I am, I become comfortable and energetic. I love to do something active and then quietly stop and take a moment to really notice. While running the other day, I listened to my breathing pattern for a while and then begin to really go into my body, beginning with my toes and moving through my feet, up to my hands. It was a really cool experience because oftentimes, I run with my mind on my “to do” list or thinking about conversations, upcoming activities, responsibilities, etc.
Energy for me, comes from really keying in to my moment.
4) What forces drain my energy?
• Saying yes when I mean no.
• Gossip – sometimes I do engage in this and don’t even realize it – until I am sucked dry a
little later. I notice it especially when I say I won’t gossip – I do just that.
• Remaining around negative people for too long - I am really working to accept each and every
person I encounter, as he or she is, and allow that person to have the space to have whatever
experience he or she is having. But sometimes, my “fixit” character trait comes in and I get
frustrated because I cannot “fixit”. So, I guess for this, it’s better to move from a draining
environment (or person) if it begins to drain me.
• Placing expectations on others – sets up the opportunity for disappointment and makes me
upset. So, I am in continual growth and practice of “allowing” others to interact with me
without expectations – unless there is an agreement between us that we need to set some.
5) Who do I resent and how is that affecting me?
Hmmmm. Right now, the only thing coming up has to do with myself – when I feel threatened in any way, I resent that – this usually relates to someone “making me feel uncomfortable” in or with a situation. I don’t really think he or she is doing anything; rather I am pulling out my feelings based on something that is going on inside of me. I think a lot of this goes back to wanting approval from others (wanting to please everyone, wanting everyone to like me) so that I can feel good about myself.
The amazing thing is that I now, more often than not, I am seeing this as it happens, or shortly after the experience. I am uncomfortable with this but each time I am faced with such a situation, I am beginning to just sit with how I feel and know that shortly, those feelings will pass.
Thursday, July 1, 2010
Monday, June 28, 2010
V I T A L I T Y!!
Hello again,
I must say I have enjoyed reading all of the blogs. It is very exciting to hear how you all are doing!
So we are all leaving week 1 behind and have entered into Vitality of week 2!!
In the last two 40 programs this week had brought up many questions about the lifestyle I lived. I found myself asking whether I was truly eating the right foods? If I was listening to the aches and pains in my body at all? Did I acknowledge the fact that sometimes I simply did not want to take responsibility for the vital aspects of my life?
I love the week of Vitality because it had in the past cracked so many doors open I was afraid of looking at, and so I am curious to experience what doors will open this time around!
Although I am noticing already graduating into this week I have resistance that shows up towards my yoga practice! My resistance can quickly move into laziness and then quickly into stories on how and why I can not practice yoga today. My favorite excuse I have " I am too busy!" Do you have a favorite excuse?? Which one is it?
See you all tonight!
Namaste,
Aylin
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Another post for Week 1 Excavation Questions
As Seka mentioned in her post….”it is time to dig”. I just finished spending an hour on this and lost my entire post when I went to review it. This is great practice in breathing and staying in the moment…
Question 1: How much am I taking responsibility to learn and grow from the experiences, both easy and difficult, that I have in my life?
I am usually good at taking on responsibility for not only everything I do but also everything in general – so my practice for this week is mainly to step back, observe, breathe, and not feel as if I have to take on EVERYTHING. Realizing that I can both be greatly involved in life and allow life to flow is very freeing and allows for energy to be preserved as needed.
Question 2: What are my beliefs about my body?
I have really been working with this question for a long time. In the past, I have been really hard on myself. Growing up I was in an environment where the body was evaluated daily and the way one perceived me often determined my self esteem for the day, week, month, etc. While today, I roll back and forth between hard and soft, I am working towards really appreciating my body. When I get out of the mind chatter and into a place of gratitude, thinking about all the ways my body serves me (my hands heal in massage and paramedic work, my legs provide power and strength for long distance runs and walks, my heart opens to the prospect of love and vulnerability even when I fall, my eyes take in the luxury of a full moon, and other beautiful sights, etc) then I can find some peace. The challenge is staying out of the mind chatter. It is often a “one step forward two steps back” dance but eventually the steps will be one forward and one back…and eventually, one forward and a half back…..or even none back….
Question 3: When in my life am I fully present?
I notice that I am truly really HERE, really present when I am running and in my body instead of my head – especially running at Wekiva State park, where I am surrounded by nature. I fall into noticing everything around me – especially the deer and other animals (wild turkeys, snakes, frogs, ladybugs, bees, funky bugs, etc) I am peaceful and relaxed, and my senses are more alive. I notice that I also find presence when I am working on a client (massage) and most of the time I teach a cycling or yoga class. Before I step into these arenas, I always take a moment to thank God for my skills and abilities. When I do this, I never feel tired or overwhelmed in my work and I remain fully focused throughout the process. When I do not take a moment to “connect”, I sometimes feel scattered and notice my mind wandering.
Question 4: Where in my life am I hiding?
I think where I most hide is in covering myself with a giant veil of “I am STRONG” and “I don’t need anyone’s help”. I have spent so long wanting to please everyone, that it is easy to forget what I preach: “together we have the ability to be more than either one of us alone”. UNITY – Responsibility is not too much of an issue for me but asking for help and even more importantly, feeling worthy of receiving help have been issues for me. I am seeing this and ready to move beyond.
Question 5: Where am I flirting with disaster?
At first, this seems tough to answer but then I peel only one layer back and see….the answers staring right back at me. Again, in wanting approval from others, especially men, in my past, I have allowed myself to expend energy in relationships (both personal and work) that do not serve me, and even more, that are vampire-like in that they disempower me and take my energy. I have seen this recently and was able to step out of this mode. The better option is not to be in this space but while I am, I will continue to check in and notice if I am in a place that is serving me or taking from me, so that I can change this pattern. For good.
Question 1: How much am I taking responsibility to learn and grow from the experiences, both easy and difficult, that I have in my life?
I am usually good at taking on responsibility for not only everything I do but also everything in general – so my practice for this week is mainly to step back, observe, breathe, and not feel as if I have to take on EVERYTHING. Realizing that I can both be greatly involved in life and allow life to flow is very freeing and allows for energy to be preserved as needed.
Question 2: What are my beliefs about my body?
I have really been working with this question for a long time. In the past, I have been really hard on myself. Growing up I was in an environment where the body was evaluated daily and the way one perceived me often determined my self esteem for the day, week, month, etc. While today, I roll back and forth between hard and soft, I am working towards really appreciating my body. When I get out of the mind chatter and into a place of gratitude, thinking about all the ways my body serves me (my hands heal in massage and paramedic work, my legs provide power and strength for long distance runs and walks, my heart opens to the prospect of love and vulnerability even when I fall, my eyes take in the luxury of a full moon, and other beautiful sights, etc) then I can find some peace. The challenge is staying out of the mind chatter. It is often a “one step forward two steps back” dance but eventually the steps will be one forward and one back…and eventually, one forward and a half back…..or even none back….
Question 3: When in my life am I fully present?
I notice that I am truly really HERE, really present when I am running and in my body instead of my head – especially running at Wekiva State park, where I am surrounded by nature. I fall into noticing everything around me – especially the deer and other animals (wild turkeys, snakes, frogs, ladybugs, bees, funky bugs, etc) I am peaceful and relaxed, and my senses are more alive. I notice that I also find presence when I am working on a client (massage) and most of the time I teach a cycling or yoga class. Before I step into these arenas, I always take a moment to thank God for my skills and abilities. When I do this, I never feel tired or overwhelmed in my work and I remain fully focused throughout the process. When I do not take a moment to “connect”, I sometimes feel scattered and notice my mind wandering.
Question 4: Where in my life am I hiding?
I think where I most hide is in covering myself with a giant veil of “I am STRONG” and “I don’t need anyone’s help”. I have spent so long wanting to please everyone, that it is easy to forget what I preach: “together we have the ability to be more than either one of us alone”. UNITY – Responsibility is not too much of an issue for me but asking for help and even more importantly, feeling worthy of receiving help have been issues for me. I am seeing this and ready to move beyond.
Question 5: Where am I flirting with disaster?
At first, this seems tough to answer but then I peel only one layer back and see….the answers staring right back at me. Again, in wanting approval from others, especially men, in my past, I have allowed myself to expend energy in relationships (both personal and work) that do not serve me, and even more, that are vampire-like in that they disempower me and take my energy. I have seen this recently and was able to step out of this mode. The better option is not to be in this space but while I am, I will continue to check in and notice if I am in a place that is serving me or taking from me, so that I can change this pattern. For good.
Saturday, June 26, 2010
Day 6: Balance of Energy
From: sekayoga.wordpress.com
So today, I got my yoga practice in! Yay!!!! I work nights on the weekends, and I worked today at the MStore, so I have a fine balance of sleep and waking that I have to preserve. The preservation of energy has been my excuse to not meditate. Not good. As I am readying myself for another night of workin, I am quickly jotting my thoughts for you. Tomorrow is Sunday Funday. My day to BE. I have some goodies to share....more thoughts and process to come.
Take care lovely readers.
Much love.
So today, I got my yoga practice in! Yay!!!! I work nights on the weekends, and I worked today at the MStore, so I have a fine balance of sleep and waking that I have to preserve. The preservation of energy has been my excuse to not meditate. Not good. As I am readying myself for another night of workin, I am quickly jotting my thoughts for you. Tomorrow is Sunday Funday. My day to BE. I have some goodies to share....more thoughts and process to come.
Take care lovely readers.
Much love.
Day 5: Fail
From: sekayoga.wordpress.com
Um...so I didn't get to my post for Thursday, seeing as it is Friday. Working days and nights seems to hinder the creative (and meditative) process. More to come....
(How are you doing?)
Um...so I didn't get to my post for Thursday, seeing as it is Friday. Working days and nights seems to hinder the creative (and meditative) process. More to come....
(How are you doing?)
Day 4: Presence
From: sekayoga.wordpress.com
Be Present.
What does that mean for you?
For me, it means to be fully in the moment, to be awake to what is happening in my life at any given moment; not thinking about the future, not thinking about the past, but being here and now. This isn't always easy...my mind takes me all over the place and back again.
So the 40 Days to Personal Revolution is a four part program: daily yoga practice, diet insight and plan, meditation, ad excavation questions. Week One is "Come into Your Body" and the theme is Presence.
I am struggling today.... I work as a bartender/cocktail waitress as well as in a yoga boutique, so my balance of energy is very precarious. Last night I worked until 2:30 a.m. and today I am at work at 9:00am. I have tiredness. Perhaps the fatigue will help with my presence. I hope to get to the point where I can publish these notes at the end of the day that they represent. blah blah....I need some sleepy time.
Be Present.
What does that mean for you?
For me, it means to be fully in the moment, to be awake to what is happening in my life at any given moment; not thinking about the future, not thinking about the past, but being here and now. This isn't always easy...my mind takes me all over the place and back again.
So the 40 Days to Personal Revolution is a four part program: daily yoga practice, diet insight and plan, meditation, ad excavation questions. Week One is "Come into Your Body" and the theme is Presence.
I am struggling today.... I work as a bartender/cocktail waitress as well as in a yoga boutique, so my balance of energy is very precarious. Last night I worked until 2:30 a.m. and today I am at work at 9:00am. I have tiredness. Perhaps the fatigue will help with my presence. I hope to get to the point where I can publish these notes at the end of the day that they represent. blah blah....I need some sleepy time.
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